ABOUT THE DUDE
Video games aside, sup. I'm Postal Dude and I'm the webmaster. Yeah, like the guy from Postal. I look like the above image, however a less dated one that looks more like me will be coming soon.
I'm some freakazoid autist who really just does his own thing - you know, like watch The Human Centipede just for Josef Heiter, binge a copius amount of Postal videos, listen to music that sounds like it came from a cheesy horror movie, etc etc. Also, as you can tell, I like to code in my spare time. I play games sometimes too.
Despite my cool, calm, collected and aloof persona I believe I have specifically on this website, I'm really silly and funny and I love making new friends. My motto's basically "be silly, make friends, get into obscure media and die peacefully." Well, that's not my motto. I don't actually have a motto. However, I do have a catchphrase, which is "pussy poppin'." In general I say a lot of raunchy stuff because it's funny. By the by, you will be seeing a lot of the phrase "German Old Man Pussy" quite often here.
Also, I fucking hate the internet nowadays. It's just a sanitized barren wasteland full of sensitive losers who play Genshin all day. Go watch some movies on EffedUpMovies, or listen to Dog Fashion Disco, or learn about the murder of some teenager from like, the 90's - anything that'll make you less of a whiney pussy that cries whenever you see someone talk about something other than your bland gacha men, or the new TikTok trend, or what's on your spoonfed Twitter algorithm, for the love of god!
Other than that, here are my greatest achievements in life:
WHILE YOU'RE HERE, HERE'S SOME SHIT I LIKE
If it's bolded, I really like it.
POSTAL: This should be a no brainer. I fucking love Postal, and although I've only discovered it two months ago, it already holds a special place in my heart (also, it's my source so. Yeah). The games may be held by duct tape, but they're still great, and oh-so wonderfully gorey. Well, Postal 2, that is. I should also mention that I'm a sucker for psychological horror, and the first game absolutely fulfills that love for the (sub)genre. Also, people who don't like the graphics of Postal 1 are lame and deadbeat losers. I could go on and on - alas, I won't until I make my Postal shine.THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE: Yes, like the shock film trilogy where people are stitched mouth to ass. Yes, there are sequels. Did you need to know this? Probably not, since the sequels fucking suck, but now you do. That aside, this trilogy means so so so so much to me. It got me through the worst times of my life and I truly could not be more grateful. There's so much more to the first movie than what meets the eye: the relationship between the victims in the centipede and the centipede between Josef, why Josef made the centipede and how he's so, so lonely, angry, and sad, the semi-decent story telling after the first half of the movie - there's so many layers to it and it becomes a completely different movie once you explore those layers, even only a little bit. Rant aside, my beautiful wife's in the movie. His name is Josef. I love him. Mwah mwah.
REANIMATOR: Even if I'm not as huge as a fan as I was at the ripe age of 12, this movie still holds a very, very special place in my heart and will forever be my favorite movie of all time, especially since this was baby's first R-rated horror film. There's so much I could talk about, like the pratical effects, and how the film basically pits Megan and Herbert together, the quite literally confirmed and canon queer-coded relationship between Dan and Herbert, so on and so forth. While yes, it's cheesy, it's fun and very well written (except for Megan, her character was fucking butchered - alas, what else can you expect with the only female character in an 80s horror movie), and it's genuinely such a life changing experience once you watch it. You will not be the same person you once were before you watched this unbelieveably gay horror movie about 2 mad scientists slowly falling in love as their experiments get worse and worse.
1984: But like, specifically the re-written version in my head. The original book kinda sucks, what with how every character's potential is butchered - even Winston and Julia's - because George Orwell fucking sucks. I hope he's rolling in his grave knowing some schizoautist dyke out there thinking about its version of his book instead of, well, his version.